Bats are native to this area. I couldn’t help thinking that as I came hiking through this part of the woods. As I discovered the overhanging of rock which seemed to be the entrance for a surprisingly small but deep cave, I couldn’t help imagining bats bursting out of the little hole come evening…
…Which wouldn’t be long now. My spine crawled.
Like the cave, the rest of the forest was dripping with moisture around me, glistening with yesterday’s rain and making the whole forest gleam with dew. But all I could wonder as I stood there in the loud racket of the forest was whether moisture attracted bats.
I hate bats.
—
From Madison Woods.
April 20, 2012 at 4:22 pm
I haven’t given it much thought but I think I hate bats too… Interesting theme.
Liked your matter of fact writing style. Very journalistic. If I may be allowed to say so I think you tried a different style this time?
Some pointers, if you don’t mind… Feel free to ignore otherwise, I’m no expert myself… You used some very long sentences. Got me confused sometimes… Or maybe it’s just me!
Also, “Like the rest of the forest, the cave was dripping with moisture that surrounded(ed) me”?
Parul
http://faitaccompli.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/layla/
April 20, 2012 at 4:40 pm
I don’t think I was using a different style… sometimes I try different ways of expressing a story, but I don’t think it changes the style.
I’m sure it’s not just you; it’s me. I’ve tweaked it now. Is it any better?
April 20, 2012 at 9:35 pm
It does indeed! Thanks for being so patient with the feedback!
Will reiterate, I liked this piece! Different and nice… perhaps I meant different way of expressing when I wrote different style.
Good work!
April 20, 2012 at 4:42 pm
Hi Littlewonder2: I don’t like bats either but I enjoyed your story. The line ‘making the whole forest gleam with dew ‘…nice. The fact that you’re only 22 is quite amazing to me. You may be a nerd but you’re bright and a darn good writer. Here’s mine:
http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
April 20, 2012 at 7:23 pm
Interesting way it’s written, an error “Like the cave, rest of the forest…” should there be ‘the’ before “rest”. Otherwise it was good.
April 20, 2012 at 8:54 pm
I like bats. In caves. On the movie screen. Far, far, away from my person.
April 20, 2012 at 8:55 pm
i enjoyed the light hearted, matter of fact tone throughout this piece. And especially how she hasn’t seen a single bat, yet the whole story revolves around them.
Aloha,
Doug
April 20, 2012 at 10:05 pm
all you’re missing is a skin-crawling physical reaction. hairs on back of neck. something like that, and then it’s perfect.
April 20, 2012 at 10:08 pm
Didn’t think of that. Thanks for the suggestion.
April 20, 2012 at 10:56 pm
I’m not keen on bats either. Really enjoyed this story. I just hope the bats stay where they are.
Here’s mine:
http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/flash-fiction-story-2-for-fridayfictioneers-flashfiction/
April 20, 2012 at 11:11 pm
I love the last line. It summed up the whole story perfectly! I also liked that the protagonist was trying to see the beauty of the surroundings even though his/her spine crawled. Well done!
Here is my continuation:
http://susielindau.com/2012/04/20/what-the-150-word-flash-fiction/
April 20, 2012 at 11:14 pm
I think your horror of bats was captured brilliantly. “My spine crawled’ and you were not able to enjoy the gleam of the rain in the forest beause of the bats. A fine post.
April 20, 2012 at 11:15 pm
I’m sorry I forgot to add my link. Here it is: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/fridayfictioneers-diamond-tear-drops/
April 20, 2012 at 11:27 pm
Quite a unique tone to this piece. And bats … I can live without ‘em. Nice work.
http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/spellbound-friday-fictioneers-april-2012/
April 21, 2012 at 1:33 am
I love how you show the character’s growing fear and obsession, even though there aren’t actually any bats in sight! I think I’d be nervous of them too in her place.
There are a couple of times in the first for lines where you repeat your phrasing eg “this area” / “this part of the woods” and “I could help thinking” comes twice. I would like to have seen a greater variety with these, but that’s easily fixed!
I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/friday-fiction-maturity/
April 21, 2012 at 1:55 am
Wonderful imagery! It makes me want to step away.
Here is mine : http://createrealitylivelife.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/flash-fiction-friday/
April 21, 2012 at 2:37 am
Bats don’t bother me really. I think a lot of fear directed at the poor animal is because of movie perception of them. I say all that and then remember they can carry rabies. So I don’t mind them, but I’m not going outta my way to find them either.
My attempt: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/water-the-earth/
April 21, 2012 at 2:41 am
I think most of us hate bats…though I love Batman. Strange, eh?
Nice bit of humour at the end.
My two stories are this-a-way:
http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/fridayfictioneers-death-and-life/
April 21, 2012 at 3:48 am
This could be a very interesting lead-in to a longer story. I picture it as not having any actual bats now, but that they would come into play near the end.
Here’s my story: http://wp.me/p24aJS-3Z
April 21, 2012 at 6:05 am
I love this! I hate bats too. Great job. Packed a lot in 100 words. here is mine http://jemcogdell.blogspot.com/2012/04/flash-fiction-hope.html
April 21, 2012 at 7:38 am
Flying vermin? I mean really, does anyone like them? Great play on a fear I know I share. Bats, caught in my hair…~shiver~
Here’s mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/04/20/friday-fictioneer-5/
April 21, 2012 at 7:46 am
I hate bats, too. I have been in caves with bats…concise, would love to read more to see how this would fit in to a “greater read”….thanks
April 21, 2012 at 2:04 pm
I laughed out loud when I read your story! Isn’t it funny how we can focus in on just one little detail…despite the forest and the cave and all the other interesting things out there, your character is fixated only on bats. I thought that was very real and also very funny.
Thanks for your comment on mine too. It never occurred to me that my character was trying to summon rain, but in retrospect I can see where you got that.
April 21, 2012 at 2:39 pm
I’m just thinking that bats are some kind of loners. They don’t belong to the birds even though they have wings and even though it’s a mammal, it has wings and it’s weird for a mammal to have wings. Anyway, I’m going too far from your post.
For me, I can’t say that I hate bats but it doesn’t mean that I like them. Thinking about it, are there really bats there or it’s just the narrator’s imagination?
April 21, 2012 at 2:47 pm
I think there are. Sometimes I just go with the character though; just to get the point across.
April 21, 2012 at 3:24 pm
am i the only bugger who loves bats?! your bias doesn’t detract from liking the story though – i would change ‘which couldn’t be long from now’ to ‘which wouldn’t be long now’ as it gets to the crawling spine quicker……learn to love the bat, man
April 21, 2012 at 3:25 pm
I actually do love bats. It’s the character who doesn’t. But thanks for the constructive criticism.
April 21, 2012 at 3:30 pm
then please accept my apologies; i genuinely forget that these stories are often made up
April 22, 2012 at 1:05 am
Yep, I’m with you – I hate bats when they are near me. I like them at a distance, just not in a cave with me.
Mine, late as it is, is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/04/21/flash-friday-fiction-8/
April 22, 2012 at 5:53 am
I actually love bats too, but what I really liked about your story is what Doug mentioned: she hasn’t seen a single bat but is obsessing over the fear of the possibility of seeing a bat. Great story.
April 22, 2012 at 11:42 pm
Nicely done. Often the unseen is scarier that what we can see. It’s the element of surprise. Snakes are a classic example (with me). When I can see them, and know where they are, I don’t have the anxiety that occurs when I’m in a location that’s known to be “snakey” but haven’t seen one–yet!
mine’s at http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/
April 23, 2012 at 9:37 am
Of course bats like water, little wonder… you better run like hell! I really liked your take on the prompt… loved the last line.
http://tedstrutz.com/2012/04/20/flash-friday-fictioneers-drip-drop-drip/
April 24, 2012 at 3:34 am
I’m a big fan of bats as long as they’re not around me! I once read that a bat consumes four times its body weight in insects each night and I thought that was pretty cool and then I thought if it weren’t for bats, the planet would be overrun with insects! I hope for the narrator’s sake there aren’t bats inside (but I think there are)!
April 24, 2012 at 3:07 pm
lol
That does sound interesting and pretty cool! I always wondered how many insects they ate, but I didn’t know it was that much!
But don’t forget, there are other animals that eat insects too that we should thank. Like the spider.
There are birds and mammals like anteaters that eat insects…
Insects are just a fact of life, unfortunately.
April 24, 2012 at 9:05 pm
Unfortunately is right! I wouldn’t mind insects so much if they didn’t look so strange and they stayed outside!
April 28, 2012 at 12:32 am
I would have loved to see her (or his?) reaction to bats exiting the hole. I kept thinking bats = vampires
April 28, 2012 at 2:35 am
I like the way your mind works.