littlewonder2

Little wonder we stumble in life.

Friday Fictioneers – Lost Sun

17 Comments

I breathed heavily, loud to my ears, like a wild wind.

I’d never see another sunrise. I know nothing about living in the woods. No one was coming, they had cruelly left me behind, betrayed.

My throat and nose were chilled raw, torn with too much air. I’d shivered all night, hadn’t slept, the whole ordeal had exhausted me. I just wanted to be wrapped up warm in my bed.

Then something amazing; a dewdrop of warmth shone upon my arm. I looked up; my long lost sun. It was still cold, but my new sun eased me a bit.

Still painfully lost, I saw a speck up on the hill ahead of me, waving, distantly shouting, a wild thrill to my ears. More people arrived.

They had come back for me.

132 words… From Madison Woods‘ blog.

Author: littlewonder2

I'm 25, and I blog to improve my writing; I want to be good enough to be published. I also studied Japanese when I was younger. Luckily, I'll be able to continue those studies along with Creative Writing next year in University.

17 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – Lost Sun

  1. I really feel like I’m in the forest with this character – sharing her despair and then the sudden burst of hope. The line “a dewdrop of warmth shone upon my arm” is beautiful.

    I’m over here http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/03/23/friday-fictioneers-the-crater/

  2. I can hear the panic in her process, thinking everyone forgot about the narrator. Then I felt relief when she/he saw the people had come back. Good story!

  3. Incredible insight about the depression that follows the absence of the sun and its rays. Such despair! I do love a happy ending. Loved the story line.

    Mine: http://www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html

  4. 🙂 I love happy endings. WIsh you a wonderful weekend. Cheers!

  5. Good twist at the end. I’m always envious when writers can create a complete story in 100 words! Here’s mine: http://furiousfictions.com

  6. Dear little wonder, Your offering might have the makings of a good story, but it desperately needs editing. Your 3rd sentence is missing a verb and you have far more than 100 words here (192) to be exact. This excercise helps us to hone our craft.
    Editing down to 100 words teaches us to treasure each word – and helps us to focus. It is no shame to go back now and fix what is wrong. I do it all the time! Let me give you an example: “My throat and nose felt chilled raw, with too much air inside tearing at me. I hadn’t slept at all last night, too busy shivering. I was exhausted from the whole ordeal, I just wanted to be at home, wrapped up in my nice warm bed.
    Could read: My nose and throat were chilled raw from the wind tearing at me. Too busy shivering, I hadn’t slept all night. Exhausted, I just wanted to be home, wrapped in my warm bed.”
    Hope this helps,
    Lindaura

  7. Hello again: OK..I found the correct section to comment. Love the jump from despair to hope..and the “sun’s warmth on the arm” line…I know that feeling. Nice job. And tks for your lovely comment on mine.

  8. A gripping sense of desperation, but with a final good ending. Well done!
    See mine here:
    http://writetuit.wordpress.com/2012/03/24/flash-friday-kill-shot/

  9. A child lost in the woods… you definitely evoked a mood for me, and I was worrying about her. I liked the line I’d never see another sunrise.

  10. What a beautiful narrative. Very evocative language, well done!

  11. I really liked this, it was quite moving twice over, once at the sense of having been abandoned, and then again at the realisation that this wasn’t so. Lovely. Really well done. Thanks for commenting on mine.

  12. Very good. I felt for the girl. So lost, so alone, and so scared. Then help arrives. Yes.

  13. Good stuff! From despair to hope – that’s something we can all get on board with. 🙂

  14. I have been here before but i can’t see my comment…so, again, i loved the happy ending of the story. It’s a refreshing break from the horror doses we mostly get from FFF

  15. I like the line, ” torn with too much air”…good turn

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