littlewonder2

Little wonder we stumble in life.

Friday Fictioneers – Wash It Away.

14 Comments

She limped toward the emergency tank attached to the window. She turned the tap.

She winced, squeezing her eyes closed as she waited for the blood to wash away. She tried to ignore the stinging and the noise still echoing the attack.

He’d gone off the deep end. He’d never done this before, but this was the last straw. She had to leave this farm, she had to get into the car and drive to a hospital. Maybe she could stay with her mother. But first she had to escape him.

The door slammed open, cross-hatched metal clanging loudly.

Run!

Prompt for Friday Fictioneers.

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Author: littlewonder2

I'm 25, and I blog to improve my writing; I want to be good enough to be published. I also studied Japanese when I was younger. Luckily, I'll be able to continue those studies along with Creative Writing next year in University.

14 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – Wash It Away.

  1. Nice one, well… not nice but you know what I mean. I wondered about all the ‘she’s in this piece – was that intentional?

  2. Sounds ominous. Disturbing imagery and I mean that in a good way. You might consider rewriting the last sentence. It feels like two fragments to me. Maybe clanging the…instead of “of”. Aside from that…I want to know what happened.
    http://www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com‘2012/07/snarl.html

  3. Action packed!
    You should consider writing a bigger story out of this, it would make a good read!

    Parul
    http://faitaccompli.wordpress.com/2012/07/27/bo-peep-in-the-city/

  4. I agree. It would make a good story, at least.

  5. So dark. I took this to be about a couple then you wrote that there were screams sill inside the house. My mind moved to some kind of cult like situation. Am I close?

    • I’m afraid you were right the first time. Should I have changed that part? The idea was that either he was raging about the house about what he did, or that he was calling after her. Probably both. I just wanted to leave that open for the reader, though.

  6. Oops, could you please delete my last line in the comment above. Seems like I forgot actually copy the right text. Thanks!

  7. Very dramatic! Nicely done. 🙂

  8. That was dark and interesting. I hope she gets away! I am also struck by how she stops to wash the blood off before escaping-a very human touch.

    Here’s mine:

    http://glossarch.wordpress.com/2012/07/27/there-will-be-rain-friday-fictioneers/

  9. Oh no, what’s going to happen?!
    Just letting you know I have nominated you for the One Lovely Blog Award, the link is here: http://sphrbn.wordpress.com/2012/07/28/one-lovely-blog-award/

  10. So many questions left unanswered, and I like the darkness of this piece. I can’t help but wonder if she is the attacker or the attackee, or maybe a bit of both. Great writing, here!

    Thanks for stopping in my place and leaving a comment.

  11. I liked it, although I have to agree with some of the other comments – “…the screams from within the house.” was confusing. Originally, I had thought it was an act of domestic violence, then I pictured a Texas Chainsaw Massacre situation before being told it was one-on-one .

    I also think that the ending would be better paced with incomplete sentences – to make it seem more stream-of-conscious (as opposed to the rest of the piece, which seemed like a summing up of what had just happened.)

    Still, I liked it.

    Here’s mine:

    http://chriswhitewrites.wordpress.com/2012/07/28/dry/

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