littlewonder2

Little wonder we stumble in life.

Friday Fictioneers – Art

17 Comments

copyright-Claire Fuller

“Is this yours?” asked Christie as she came strolling through the trail.

The old woman smiled at her. “Why yes. It’s a sculpture of my two twins. They left home years ago.”

“Is it lonely, living out here by yourself? Living in the middle of the forest…”

“No, it’s not lonely. I mean, sometimes it is, but I get by.”

“Well, I admire you. I could never do this, living out in the middle of nowhere like this,” said Christie.

“Oh, it’s not so bad. Occasionally, hikers like yourself come through. I’m not lonely.”

Christie looked back on the trail. She still wasn’t sure…

My response for Friday Fictioneers.

Author: littlewonder2

I'm 25, and I blog to improve my writing; I want to be good enough to be published. I also studied Japanese when I was younger. Luckily, I'll be able to continue those studies along with Creative Writing next year in University.

17 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – Art

  1. Dear LW,

    Hansel and Gretel? I kept waiting for something terrible to happen…and maybe it is about to. You set up the mystery with a subtle hand. Well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  2. Dear LW,
    This sounds a little ominous. Nice touch of atmosphere.
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

  3. I “third” those comments. Everything seems lovely and calm on the the surface with only a hint of loneliness but those little … at the end lead me to think that there could be something darker on the way–or waiting once Christie turns around. Maybe the twins wanted to go away and she didn’t want them to, so they stayed with here forever. Or maybe…it’s just another little old woman living a solitary life, enlivened sometimes by company passing by on the trail. Who knows?

    janet

  4. Yes, something very sinister going on here. Lots of undertone in your writing. Great stuff.

  5. Definitely unsettling. My mind races through the possibilities

  6. I also think you set it up well. Sort of a magical place, with ominous overtones. One small critique – you could probably drop the ‘two’ before twins. It’s implied.

  7. can’t quite put my finger on why I am ill at ease. I’ve read it through three times and nothing strikes me as overtly ominous, but the feeling is there. You did that so well.

  8. I’m waiting for disaster to happen. A little fairy tale with eerie ending perhaps.

  9. Oh, slightly creepy. I like the idea of meeting the stranger in the woods! Perhaps she will be next in line. Nice job on this.

  10. I like the tension you heap into this piece, especially at the end. I’m not sure Christie is all that safe – or am I reading too much into it? By way of a little concrit, there are three mentions of this place being in the middle of nowehre in rapid succession – this feels a tny bit excessive to me and I’d suggest cutting them down a bit.

    • Thanks for the feedback, I’ll take another look at it.

      I like your interpretation of the story too. That’s one of the things I love about flash fiction; different people have different ideas about what’s happening in it.

  11. I wonder if she is a witch of some sort, nice job to keep us wondering.
    I am number 91

  12. This one has me wondering if something might have happened to the twins. Definitely makes me think all is not what it seems. Good suspense.

  13. I haven’t read all the comments, but I see I’m not the only person to think of Hansel and Gretel, and wonder what really became of the twins! I don’t know whether this is just an oddly contented old woman, or whether Christie is in big, big trouble…and I like the ambiguity.

  14. Cue the haunting music! Nicely set up for any number of continuations.

  15. although we don’t know WHY christie is troubled, we still can clearly see THAT she is troubled. and that makes for enough mystery planted to tease us to figure out what else is going on. i’m sure most readers want something more concrete, but this is the kind of tease that makes people want to know more, and wanting to know more is good.

    for example, i was in a writing workshop last week in which we were discussing what builds tension. i offered that a great way to build tension is for one character to lie to another because several things need to be learned. 1. why did the person lie? 2. what is the truth? 3. what are they hiding? 4. why are they hiding it? 5. is the lie specific for that one person or for everyone? 6. what happens if that person learns they were lied to?

    so there’s nothing wrong with not knowing everything. if we knew everything, there’d be nothing to want to know further.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s