littlewonder2

Little wonder we stumble in life.

Friday Fictioneers – Airport

17 Comments

copyright-Rich Voza

She picked at the crust in her eyes. When she woke up at four this morning, she had been so bleary-eyed that she’d had to wipe at her eyes just to open them. It had been hell getting up so early.

Now she was only picking at the smallest pieces still left in the corners. She probably didn’t need to, but the thought bugged her.

But here she was! 6 am, looking out over the airfield. Any minute now, she would be boarding the airplane, and she could finally sleep.

In five hours, she would finally reunite with her father. These past ten years had been more hell than this morning. It would finally be over…

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Author: littlewonder2

I'm 25, and I blog to improve my writing; I want to be good enough to be published. I also studied Japanese when I was younger. Luckily, I'll be able to continue those studies along with Creative Writing next year in University.

17 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – Airport

  1. Dear LW,

    This felt more like an exercise in writing than an actual story. The hint of linkage at the conclusion ressurreected it somewhat. I mention this only because you have always struck me as a writer who is in it for the long haul and wants to improve your craft. Hence the mention of what my thoughts were as I read this. Forgive me if I am missing something.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    (I’m keeping a count of dawn versus sundown. Dawn is winning.)

    • I suppose I just couldn’t find a story in as little words this time. Little details can be important in a story though, and so can writing exercises to improve the craft.

      Thanks for your honesty, at least. I suppose part of it was the need to express a small experience that I’ve had before, that of the first two paragraphs.

      You are certainly right about my being in it for the long haul.

      • Dear LW,

        I wholeheartedly agree with you re little details. Your writing is luminous and if you were not in it for the long haul, I for one, would be the poorer for it. Thank you for allowing me to just talk. I appreciate that you understand what I’m going on about.

        D.

    • Doug, although I’m not counting, I’ve been enjoying seeing the two because after I chose sunrise, I wondered if it were really sunset.

      janet

  2. I love the setting of this and the sweet sentiment herein. Well done!

  3. Ah, those early morning goobies, as we call them! I think if you picked (if you’ll pardon the expression) only the best of those lines and then maybe tied the annoyance and the crust to the relationship with her father, you would have the start of a bigger story. The parallels wouldn’t need to be overt, of course, but it would connect both parts of your opening.

    Just my $.02 worth,

    janet

  4. Being away fro so long would be tortuous for anyone unless there was a reason to seperate. I hope her reunion is as sweet as she hopes.

  5. This is kind of a nitpicky thing, but I feel like the “6” should be spelled out because it always jars me when numerals are the first words of sentences. Also, you spell out “four,” so spelling out “six” would add consistency, I think.

    You vividly recount the crust in your eyes . . . I could somewhat feel their grossness, lol.

  6. hi — when you get to 100 works — passive verbs, like would be, had been — those use up words and take power from the story — you’ve piqued my interest as to what caused the separation.

  7. Dear LW,
    I see a lot of potential here. A lot has already been said that I agree with, however. I’m going to disagree with Angel on six. Since it’s a time I’d go with 6:00 am. Otherwise I’m wondering ” I are. Six am what?” Glad you’re in it, as Doug says, for the long haul. Good for you! I hope we haven’t all discouraged you
    shalom,
    Rochelle

  8. I wasn’t sure what was going on here. Almost made me think of a kidnap victim who was being reunited with her father after TEN years? That’s a long time. Maybe I’m wrong. But such possibilities here. I’d want to read more to find out what’s going on.

  9. question. this line: “Any minute now, she would be boarding the airplane, and she could finally sleep.” i’m curious if you think about or don’t think about turning things like “she would” into “she’d” in order to save a couple of words and add more elsewhere. not saying that you should, nobody “should” do anything. but it’s something i obsessively dwell on, so i was curious if you think about it.

    also – “nitpick” is it possible you mean just “pick”? usually “nitpick” is not used at a physical action but more used to suggest someone dwelling too much on fine details, much like i just did when explaining about “she would” and “she’d” to just physically pick at something would usually be “pick.”

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