littlewonder2

Little wonder we stumble in life.


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Who Am I

I am
You are
We are whole

I spent my whole life
believing that.

But are we fragments
in space
in a vacuum
fitting together
all our lives?

Maybe we are both

fit unto ourselves,
wholly feeling yet missing

What are we missing
Why are we missing it?
What are we?

Even if we are one thing
Might we be an opposing force?
Opposing the thing that makes us whole

If so, then why this conflict
why can’t we be together in ourselves?

Why can’t I be together
without you

I need to be

can’t let you

fill me
as if I’m not enough

Why can’t I be?
Why do I need you?
Are we all incomplete without each other?

Do humans need each other
Why do we need to

be floating on the edge of space
in our little bubble
infants in need of touch
touch or we die
can that really be who we are?

Who are you? Who am I?
Why do we crawl
and search
and cry
and punch

What is life? What is our lives?
Let me be free
and whole.

Let me be free.


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Soft Like Stone

I put my bookmark in
hard as stone
slipping like shale
back into the pages
of my life.

I can’t deal with it now.

I want to believe it’s tough
it’ll hold
just like I do
But I know
stone is soft; it cracks.

It’s cracking up
like my heart.

Inspired by this.


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365 Days, Week Two

Link to the original challenge post at the bottom of the page.

First Romance

Star amongst flashlights
He was the real thing
She feared all he wanted was
a fling.

Orion,
distant star,
unlike his bright shining namesake
he captivated her mind.
Captivated
her heart.

First romance, she captured his.
The real star,
bright, glowing, beautiful
yet down to earth.
She wasn’t floating above him.
She was rejected and torn.

The heart of a butterfly,
no flight.
She was the only one
he could see.

Orchards

I feel the spring air like a gentle breeze through the cashew orchard, spreading the fresh smell of nature all around me. This is my favourite season.

I take my time, absorbing the texture of grass and the roots and the soil, loving the orchard like it was the tree of life itself.

What could be more pure than this?

Disillusionment

“I’m so disillusioned.”

Her heart hurt. She looked at him disbelieving, trying to justify how she ever thought he was better. Everyone had called her mad, had judged a book by its cover, but so had she. Just not with him. What had made him ever different in her mind.

“You can’t be surprised,” he said.

“I shouldn’t be…”

So what had happened? He had taken her in for a spell. And he didn’t even notice, the bastard!

“So why are you?”

What could she say. “You’re right,” she said. “I was stupid. After all, you’re just like your brother –”

“I am not like Alex,” he growled. “But we both know I’m not innocent, either.”

“I don’t think you even know who you are,” said Brenda. “You wanted me to think you were different, hell you might even be trying to convince yourself. But you’re always so concerned about people thinking you’re off that you always hide from them.”

“And what part exactly has you disillusioned?” he snapped.

“You know exactly what part,” she said. “I thought you were…” Different.

“What?”

She fell silent, trying to describe it. There were no words. Did she even know?

“Well?” he insisted.

“Forget it.”

“Do you even know?”

“I thought you had morals!” Wow. There it was.

“Morals?” he repeated. “Because everyone else isn’t good enough for you?”

“Oh, don’t give me that crap! You and I both complained about them, how none of them ever seemed to about anything but their own egos! How they all just pretended they liked their friends just so they could be popular, or how they picked fights with the unpopular kids to appear manly, or how they all went to degrading lengths to look pretty.”

“So now I’m egotistical?” he argued. “Just because I stood up for you?”

“Defended my honour,” she corrected. “As if I didn’t have any to begin with…”

“Hey! I fought that guy off for you!”

“I didn’t ask you to! I certainly didn’t ask you to put him in hospital!”

“So sue me.”

“That’s funny,” she said, “because that’s just what the parents of that kid might do!”

He looked at her blankely. “Shit.”

Guardian Angels

You could almost think she was like a guardian angel.

I mean, think about it. You live fifteen years of nothing but a crappy life, with only her there to keep you sane through all of it, and yet, when everything changes and suddenly she’d dead, cold as the depths her killers soul, there she is again. Brenda.

She stands by you, even if her reasoning in selfish. She’s the only one in your corner, when all others refuse you, and the two are so similar they might be twins (except that they were born three years apart).

What else is a guardian angel than that?

Different Ways of Thinking

Dawn had never been open to other ways of thinking. She was stuck firmly in her own head; they were all idiots anyway, no matter how gullibly Belinda tried to lower herself to their level.

She had never felt so low before. So selfish.

She hated Orion and Luke. She hated them so much right now. But even here alone, she knew it wasn’t really them that was wrong. It was her. How could she be? She felt like shit.

“You lost yourself,” a voice told her. She looked up.

The smiling pale blonde face looked back down at her. “No, I didn’t. I was wrong once –”

“I never said ‘you were always wrong’. I said you lost yourself.” Brenda crouched down to Dawn’s level. “This is an empty path, Dawn. You have to stop it.”

“I can’t,” she rasped. “I just can’t… If I do…”

“What?” said Brenda. “What will happen if you do?”

“They don’t treat anyone with respect, so why should I?” she demanded. “But they never knew what it was like to have no dignity, no respect, not even in their own minds. If I don’t show them… I’ll never be myself again. And it’ll haunt me. Forever. No matter how many hundreds of years that are ahead of me. I can’t change my mind. If I do, I’ll break. I’ll truly lose myself then.”

Consequence

Her face was bloodied. This was his consequence of crossing his brother.

Gratitude

Golden brown skin, you might think this girl had seen the sun. How strange then that she was a vampire. Dirty blonde hair and an attitude to match, she seemed an odd person to thank.

But that’s exactly what Dawn did.

“I needed you,” said Dawn. “Where have you been all my life? Honestly… I could’ve used a sister like you in the hard times.”

And Brianna really was like a sister. With an attitude like hers, they could’ve been blood sisters. Strange to know that she was related more to Belinda, the faint hearted crier of her youth.

Brianna would’ve tortured her as a kid.

It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate Belinda. It was just that, if she had known Brianna all of her life, maybe it wouldn’t have turned out anything like this at all. Maybe she could’ve saved her life. Maybe her life wouldn’t have ever sucked like it did.

“Thank you for helping me take revenge on these guys.”

Ironic that, if she had been there, she would never have even killed anyone. She would have just soaked in the power and enjoyed life. Dawn really envied her. She wanted her strength.

365 Day Challenge


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Touched by your deep, painful questions
I wonder
Has anyone touched the centre of their sorrow?
Is it possible?

Or maybe someone’s done more than that
Wrapped it around themselves
Like a blanket
Hiding from joy
Thinking the sorrow of life is its great adventure

But the soul of a person is so deep
That if someone would
They’d fall into depression
Hate themselves
Hate everybody
And adventure would turn to bitter ashes

The adventure of life, and all its
rollercoaster emotions
Its betrayals
Its joy
Can be one of two things
It can be beautiful (and unpretty)
Or it can
shatter a person apart

The soul of life can be painful
(though there are those who live dull lives)
And that soul has power and influence
against strong and weak alike
Many people
today
can’t stand the inner silence
the truth
I don’t know why
(though I’m one of those who live dull lives)

But there is still pain
And I can’t escape it
Sometimes, I just know I’m hiding in the silence
where others run from

“What are you thinking about?”
There are no answers, never are
Because I could never share my inner mind
And its cruel
for anyone to expect that level of deepness
from me
Because I’m so afraid of myself
that I always expect judgement
of even the smallest
miniscule things

Inside, I’m strong
Outside, I’m weak
Or is it the other way around?

I’m too self-deprecating
to appreciate
the life and times been given to me

That’s all you need to know.

The free verse poem in its original form is posted in the comments at the link above.

De La Seor

“It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing

It doesn’t interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let…

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